"Either Way I Win"

Dear Momma,
Uncle Dan passed away about two weeks ago, only three months after he was diagnosed with stage 4 pancreatic cancer. It seemed like it happened so fast, but a different kind of speed then when you were fading. Mom, I cant even express how sick I am of people dieing from cancer. Uncle Dans' and Aunt Ellens' marriage was the stuff that people dream about. The intensity of their love and respect for one another was something I wasn't fully aware of until these last couple of years I've spent in AZ. The fact that Ellen is dads twin sister doesn't seem fair either. Why should those two both have been robbed prematurely, and painfully of the spouse they loved. I just. dont. understand. it. You really were right when you told us "life isn't fair" as kids.
But his funeral was beautiful momma, just like yours. It brought tears to my eyes as they sung amazing grace, and I flashed back to the day almost three years ago as I sat in the church pew at CCC and the voice of Judy Collins rang out almost eerily, I will not ever forget her voice. When It played at his funeral, I sobbed just as if I had been transported back in time and was once again sitting through your own celebration of life. Dad was no different, Uncle Dans funeral was a tough one for both of us.
When the funeral was coming to a close, one of the last things that cousin Kevin (who did the service) did was repeat something Uncle Dan had said throughout the whole process. He had said that he and Aunt Ellen were praying for a miracle, but if he passed away and went to heaven to be with the lord, then it would be okay. "Either way I win" he said. When Kevin repeated that, it shook me to the core. Because I heard you say that so many times, and each time you always had such a loving and optimistic twinkle in your eye. I admire such optimism in both of you, because even in your final days mom, when I heard you say "Either way I win," you weren't saying it to make me or anyone else feel better. You were saying it because you believed it wholeheartedly, without a doubt, in your eyes, either way you beat the cancer. You are the strongest woman I have ever met Mom, and I aspire each and every day to be more life you.


I love and miss you,
Sunshine