Thursday, August 25, 2011

The Count Down...

Dear Momma,

I miss you. Alot. In three days time it will be the 3 year anniversary of your death. For the past week, maybe even two, it's felt like a countdown. Everyday I flash back to three years ago, and what we were doing that day, how you were feeling. Today three years ago was the last time a got to speak with you before you died, before you were too deep in a coma like state. You were awake, but your speech was muffled and sounded clouded. We had a hard time understanding you but knew you were telling us you loved us and not to worry. We all gathered around you and said our goodbyes, and hugged and kissed you. I said to you "Mom I want to have adventures like you did, and every thing I will be in honor of you". 
We took our last family photo that day. But it isn't a pleasant photo to look upon, our tear streaked cheeks and blotchy faces. Your cheeks hollow and skin pale, but your smile still the bright joyful smile of the woman who raised me. You constantly amazed me, and even on that sad day when you were in pain and dying you gave us as much of yourself as possible. You put a real smile on your face for us to cherish. Even if we look scared and sad, your bright personality is still there for us to cherish.  We love you Mom, and we miss you...

1 comment:

  1. Hi Sunshine:

    I stumbled across your blog. I lost my mom 3 years ago to pancreatic cancer. A few weeks after her death I started a blog on my husband's domain and then moved it to Wordpress. Writing has been my way of healing, of dealing with all the feelings surrounding my mom's illness and death, and through my blog I've helped others, as people have left me comments. My blog has been my biggest outlet for my grief. I am also writing a book about the last 349 days of my mom's life (the time from diagnosis to her death) and then my struggles to heal afterward. I've been working on the book for almost a year and only have a few chapters done. It's not easy to write. My goal is to finish it this year, in honor and memory of my mom and also to help others. Your comment about the picture really hits home for me. We took a picture on Halloween day of the entire family. My mom looked like a walking skeleton. It's the last picture we have of my mom and a hard picture to look at. My mom died about 2 weeks later.

    My favorite quote is from Thomas Campbell: "To live in hearts we leave behind is not to die." I will always love and miss my mom. Anniversaries aren't easy no matter how much time has passed.

    I wish you peace. Please visit my site if you'd like: http://peace4me521.wordpress.com.

    Take care, Kathy

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